Men's 2s Beat Strugglers Slough

Men's 2s 3 - 1 Slough Men's 1s

A glorious day welcomed Surbiton at Sugden Road with a potential banana skin of a team in Slough and a vital three points needed. After last week, where the 2s earned a good point away at Bournemouth, despite having good chances to win the game with a slightly depleted and makeshift team, which included Rhys ‘The Head from Art Attack’ Linnel at centre half and a first start along with 65+ minutes for Jamie ‘I’ll take your green card’ Taylor, Surbiton looked to bounce back with an impressively dominant win against their counterparts from the rather delectable part of the world… Slough.

Preparations were not the best for the game, despite everyone’s best intentions. The monthly Quiz Night, held by the most Senior Haycroft, AKA ‘Big T’, provided some crucial learning for some junior members of the club and some embarrassing situations for others, most notably Dave ‘I know everything about Lord of the Rings’ Bartram and Scott ‘I love maths so much that I became head of department’ Evans. Certain individuals’ pledge to ‘not drink before a game’ were shattered, obviously resulting in performances that some might describe as ‘simply harrowing’. Dave ‘can’t hit a barn door’ Bartram squandered several chances throughout the match, along with Joshua ‘Where am I? Reverse stick shot!’ Redstone, despite some quite brilliant support from Tom ‘I love an aerial’ Beaumont. Dave did manage to slither on to the score sheet but enough about that. Billy ‘Willy Binter’ Winter slotted nicely towards the end of the game while borrowing a stick as he had misplaced his usual wand a few weeks ago.

The most important part of the game saw the return of the prodigal ginger son, Max ‘Bionic Face’ Anderson. He is exceptionally gifted when it comes to hockey and it was an absolute pleasure to have him in front of me again… A performance so good on his return, it earned him Man of the Match; a difficult choice given the effervescent and omnipresent performance from the one and only Scott ‘The Rash’ Evans (my personal choice for MOM). 

Moving on to another vital member of the team who hasn’t been as omnipresent as Scott; Coach ‘Jaap Stam’ made an appearance again and it must be noted that he made the long journey to Bournemouth out of choice…. as our coach. He was pitch side again today with his fetching new haircut and as usual supported and masterminded the game plan to see us gain all three points. Such wisdom is seldom seen from an individual who was raised north of the Watford Gap. It goes to show that the gap is getting smaller. 

A combatant performance from the whole team, showing great maturity against the rather agricultural display on show by Slough. Notably, Tom ‘The Tank’ Smith barely flinching as if he had taken a direct hit from a German Panzer. This came in the form of a slightly aggressive Slough number 9; an action that duly saw him receive his second yellow card. That just about summed up the Slough performance. ‘The Tank’ added insult to his own injury by adding to the score sheet as well. 

Another notable mention must go to Tom ‘The Titanic’ Beaumont, for running the defence like (quote un quote from a charmingly eloquent member of the team) ‘a tight ship’. Many did seem to disagree with this opinion however, and likened young Beaumont to more like a ship and it’s turning circle than actually leading and running one! James ‘Green card/Couldn’t take the joke last week’ Evans did well by not getting a card this week and so didn’t have to deal with the inevitable furore to follow. Finn ‘Limbs’ Cooper was impeccable as usual and also represented the 2s in the weekend’s indoor finals for the Men’s 1s, well done! Adam ‘Captain Major’ White didn’t receive a telling off from his commanding officer Rhys ‘Twice The Health’ Linnell which was positive, both having strong games as well as Matt ‘Team America’ Sheridan. Youngsters Dan ‘Baby faced because he is an infant’ Hunt and Jamie ‘Also really young’ Taylor managed to survive and impose themselves in their first experience of a more agricultural affair than a hockey match. Many more to come chaps! 

A well done to everyone except for possibly the most useless member of the team, the goalkeeper. One job. One shot. One goal. One waste of space. Hence this delightfully elongated and rather unhelpful match report.

Surbiton Men’s 2s beat Slough Men’s 1s 3-1. We should have annihilated them, but we didn’t. We did get three points though and continue to march towards promotion. Job done. Unlike Haycroft. Well done lads.