Pumas 0 - 3 Barnes Blazes (A)

Another Saturday, another opposition team made up almost entirely of children: fast, fearless and frighteningly fit. Add a blistering hot day to the mix, and you have the recipe for what followed: a 3–0 defeat. But don't let the scoreline fool you. This was our best performance of the season so far, and proof that real progress is being made. On to the highlights!

Lessons were learned from the outset this week, with Kerrie arriving in the proper attire: skort present and correct from the first whistle, and even topped off with sunglasses and a diamond ring. Classy. Our hockey may not always be pretty, but Kerrie does her level best to bring the glamour. It was fitting, then, that the least pretty moment of the first ten minutes belonged to her. A long, slender, quite insubstantial Barnes youth, travelling at speed, ran straight into this fully grown Puma, who made no attempt to move and simply planted her feet and braced (if anything, stepped into it just a smidge..). There was only ever going to be one outcome. The child bounced backwards onto the astro, Kerrie didn't budge an inch, and the whole pitch looked on, slightly agog at the crumpled heap of limbs. Momentum is a cruel mistress.

As is so often the case, though, Kerrie's finest work of the day came off the pitch. Spotting a man on the sideline with a camcorder, our dutiful captain marched over to inform him that he couldn't film our U16 goalie without permission. Safeguarding first, always. The gentleman apologised profusely and deleted all his footage, including, by pure coincidence, every frame of the earlier incident. No evidence, no case. Kerrie 2, Barnes nil.

Having watched Kerrie's highly effective brick-wall technique in action, the management took the decision to bring Phil back into defence to bolster the ranks. Crunching tackle followed crunching tackle, and Barnes soon learned that nothing was getting through without paying a toll. The most memorable moment came from a 16. With a Barnes player standing not quite five metres away, Phil wound up the trademark big whack and smashed it straight at her. Undeterred, and with barely a pause, she took the next 16 in quick succession and launched it at the very same player, this time a metre higher, so it caught her squarely on the bum as she fled. Kerrie and I had to turn away on the sideline, shoulders shaking, trying very hard to look like responsible adults. We did not succeed. A timely reminder that every Pumas game is part sport, part slapstick, part minor crime scene, and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Speaking of slapstick, Katie N found herself starting her season up front this week, and embraced the role with the characteristic enthusiasm we all love and admire. Her moment of the match came deep into the second half. Sensing great opportunity, she launched into a lung-busting 20-metre sprint that was truly heroic in its ambition. The outcome? Absolutely nothing. But having given her all to this noble cause, she promptly turned to the bench, gasped "SUB!", staggered to the sideline and collapsed onto the nearest chair. It was the most dramatic sprint of the season, possibly of all time. Commitment to the cause, second to none. Back to defence next week, though, where the running comes to you. Kerrie’s turn next!

At the other end of the pitch, Katie J was having a glorious game. Totally unruffleable. While chaos raged around her, Katie was as cool as a cucumber. In the D, she made tackle after sterling tackle, each one delivered with the calm of a woman who knew she was getting the ball. She's a master of close combat: any Barnes forward who thought they'd found a bit of space soon discovered Katie's pink stick right there with them, hassling, harrying, never giving an inch. By the time they'd looked up for the goal, the moment had gone, and so, usually, had the ball. POM nominations have rightly followed. Crucially, she also had the confidence to push high up the pitch, which went a long way to turning the second half into a much better showing. She has that rare gift of always knowing exactly where to be, which, in a Pumas game, is almost a superpower.

Katie Sole (for yes, we had all three Katies out with us today!) put in another stellar performance in defence as well. For the uninitiated, telling them apart is actually quite easy. Katie J looks like she's waiting for the kettle to boil. Katie Sole looks like she's just remembered she left the hob on and is 60 miles from home (and Katie N looks like she's ON the hob). But don't let this hockey veteran's furrowed brow fool you. That stress is pure fuel. She tackled early, she tackled late, she tackled things that may not strictly have needed tackling, so very little got past her. I even sent her into midfield for a very successful jaunt. Defence one minute, midfield the next: this is exactly the kind of versatility we treasure in the Pumas.

Speaking of which: Carmen. She ran her absolute socks off. Down the right-hand side, she and Jenny were locked in what can only be described as a punishing sprint session, shuttling up and down that flank in the blazing sun as the ball pinged back and forth, looking increasingly like two people who'd turned up for a nice game of low-level hockey only to be handed a fitness test. It was not, by any measure, a pleasant time. To make matters worse, I then chucked her up into midfield. Worse for her, of course, not for us. Defence, midfield, it hardly matters to this magnificent player. She can do it all. Another fantastic game, my friend!

After six months away, Nao is back on the pitch, and we couldn't be happier to have her. Tireless in midfield, she seemed to be in three places at once, turning the ball over more times than I could count. But the real joy was watching her link up with Anna in the second half. Nao wins it, dribbles through three Barnes players, looks up, and slots the pass through with calm precision, and suddenly we're playing slick, delightful hockey! Add in a workrate that would make Surge blush, and you've got a return that was well worth the wait. Welcome home, friend!

Speaking of Anna, what a game. Getting on the end of impeccable passes, she whipped some great balls into the D and worked like a Trojan off the ball, darting into space and peeling off defenders left and right, desperately trying to help out the mids and get Barnes on the back foot. The goals may be elusive at the moment, but they'll come, ladies, they'll come!

Monica, likewise, was dogged as always in her efforts to get the ball up the pitch. Time and again she picked it up somewhere before the halfway line, put her head down and drove forward, or found the pass and sprinted on. A good deal of the real danger Barnes had to deal with came straight from her stick, and their defence braced every time she got on the ball. I have a feeling round two will be a much closer contest.

Kat spent the afternoon in the trenches of centre mid, which on a day like this meant being swarmed by Barnes players from every direction. As they descended in twos and threes, she battled away in the thick of it, putting in some crucial tackles and interceptions. It was relentless, sweaty, unglamorous work, but as a seasoned veteran on this team, she knows the drill. I particularly enjoy the trademark reverse sweep (aka "the shin cracker"), deployed with such gusto that it sends the ball, and nearly several sets of Barnes ankles, flying across the pitch. Come half time, while the rest of us slumped in the shade gulping water and questioning our life choices, Kat simply slipped on a pair of sunglasses, ready for round two. She enjoys the dirty work, this one.

Jenny rocked up in a shiny new pair of astros this week, which is no small thing. As a parent of three hockey-playing children, two of them goalkeepers, new kit for this one is practically unheard of, so it was cause for celebration. But the joy was painfully short-lived: Jenny looked visibly devastated when her first foot of the campaign was called against her in the second half. You could see her staring down at the offending shoe as if it had personally betrayed her, which, to be fair, it had. Gutted, she was. Still, a game and a half without a foot is a commendable personal best. Otherwise, she was a real workhorse as always, undoubtedly spurred on by my helpful encouragement to do more running. "You're gonna have to work hard today, Jenny!" I pointed out, as she yo-yoed past me for the umpteenth time. "D'you not think I already am?!" she replied drily, red of face and midway through what appeared to be a silent bleep test as the ball went back and forth. Fair. I won't claim my pitchside commentary is always the most helpful, but A* for effort.

Speaking of A* for effort, your Player of the Match, ladies: Sophie V. What a game this one had! Absolutely stunning at the back. On a day when the pressure barely let up, she was a model of reliability, trapping everything that came her way and clearing the ball out of harm's way countless times. Make no mistake, Barnes had to work hard for every one of their goals. There were no slick team moves or screamers into the top corner. Each one was a scrappy, scrambled affair, bundled over the line only after a proper fight in the D. For a side as quick and relentless as they were, I think that speaks volumes about our quality in defence. A great effort by all!

A huge thank you, too, to Zoe, who helped us out up front this week - endless amounts of energy and enthusiasm.

And to finish, we must address the elephant in the room: the goalie. I'm not gonna lie to you, we're all friends here. But there's nothing quite as frustrating as the stand-in having an excellent game. I'm a team player, obviously, and it's not all about me, but she was a bit annoyingly good, wasn't she? Very casual. Very nonchalant. Frankly, I like to see a bit more stress and panic at the back, a bit more mayhem. Make it look hard, y'know? Chuck in an unnecessary slide save. Shout at the defenders for something that was entirely your fault. Make a horrible decision, then recover magnificently and look to the sideline for applause. Take a bow, even (we've not done that yet this season, but I'm sure it's coming). Give the fans a show, y'know? That's just goalkeeping 101. But there were no theatrics today. Just save, save, save, save, save, save, delivered with the energy of someone waiting for a bus. I stood on the sideline, clapping through gritted teeth. Well played, kid. Bit rude, but well played.