Men’s 3s 5 - 0 Old Merchant Taylors 1s (A)
By Mitch Gill-Hanlon
If last week’s performance was an awful, hard‑fought battle against Wapping (or so I’ve been told), Round 3 was… well… something else entirely. Because this was the week the Bunny came back and as a striker no less. Not majestically. Not heroically. More like a chaotic, slightly feral rabbit who trapped a aerial with his face.
If anyone turned up organised today, it was the Mighty Seals. Sharp warm‑up, crisp passing, actual communication, the sort of stuff Frankie dreams about and OMT clearly consider optional. Because OMT arrived looking like they’d just woken up after a big night out. When the whistle went, the Bunny exploded into action: zig‑zagging, hopping, sprinting in directions. But somehow, and it can’t be explained, his chaos worked. OMT’s back line spent the entire first quarter trying to decode his movementsm, about which Captain Aiden was heard referring to him as ‘prime Jamie Dwyer’.
It’s a miracle what happens when you have adults playing senior hockey with a minimum of ten gracing the field. With Entract rolling around on the floor opening up the scoring the Seals were on fire, treating OMT like a current Spurs team.
Goobs fired a flick into the bottom corner which Billy referred to as the reason we keep him around, Matty Newbold put one top bins and Dan Roberts danced his way into the circle putting a tomahawk into the roof - as usual the strikers union is not on the board.
It only took player coach Willy Binter ten impactful minutes with half a hamstring, a broken leg and a bad back to ultimately score more goals than Bag, kissing the crowd in celebration, one can only assume he was looking for Max Anderson.
The Seals wrapped it up 5–0, putting the first three points on the board for the season, which had Dowthwaite sniffing the air and quoting, “Smells like promotion”. OMT, on the other hand, need a crisis meeting of their own… the same kind the Seals usually hold after a loss to Wapping.
Overall, a quality day out: three points in the bag and Aiden just about avoiding being remembered as the captain with the worst start to a season in club history.
Key takeaways:
• Goobs’ dad is funnier than he is
• Aiden’s haircut is below average
• More adults = more goals
• I’m still a bunny
• George has a bruised ego because a 12 year old is faster than him…… so is Billy apparently
• We’re back baby