Vixens O35s 1 – 4 Barnes O35s

Tier 1 Cup, Sunday 13th November

So whether it’s some weird multiverse of hockey or this is the infamous threatened perimenopausal brain fog but either way I can’t remember a poorer period of recollection of basic facts since my first booze-addled year of Uni.

We played Barnes in the Cup at KGS. I feel that’s a certain. But the score evades me as does most of the actual gameplay but that never usually gets in the way of one of my match reports.

First shout out to Captain Gallagher who secured us FOUR subs AND allocated umpires!! What a luxury.

Thanks also to Spuggie for managing the coaching and rotations, ably assisted by Ellie, Anne and Helen with gorgeous baby Lottie (flamingo in training).

So the score was one to us and some to them. Maybe four? It feels somewhat irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. We had fun. Our goal was sweet. Silke awesomely saved a PS following an Emily “tackle” that floored the oppo so convincingly the umpire had no choice but to award the flick. How she avoided DOD for that escapes me almost as much as the card she escaped.

Barnes are a physically tough and experienced side but our defence held strong against wave after wave of mostly metaphorical assault. Sunny’s elegant sweeps and clearances could have been set to a Strauss waltz while Dempsey brought the ballet with arms in the air in the direction of the umpire. Sinead, Debs and Jane kept their heads and soaked up loads of pressure.

Our diamond mid formation would have been a surefire winner but for the addition of a complete noob like me but thankfully Emily, Rowan and Jess did all the legwork charging up the sidelines or in Emily’s case crabbing, one-handed with her self-confessed blinkers on.

Sian and Charlotte tackled supremely in the centre and fired rockets through to the forward line, where Ruthie, Struthie and Luthie (sorry Lisa, we need more work on your nickname) eagerly waited and did some fab deflected touches to each other.

We created chances but the goals were elusive. Our one conversion came from a well-deserved passage of play to win a PC. There was probably some huddle chat suggesting a plan but when the ball came top D to Charlotte and she slipped left to me I admit I had once again lost track of proceedings. I improvised and flicked the ball over the post player’s shoulder. Not sure which one of us was more surprised to see it drop into the goal behind her.

A fun day out that set us well on our way to achieving our objective of winning the Plate. A tactical loss was always the game plan.

The day closed with a retirement to the Limping Fox (other licensed premises are available) to share the reading specs and tales of which food/drink and other intolerances we’ve all developed in our prime years.

POM: Silke. Goalkeeper on Fire.

DOD: Val. Claiming advancing years and tiredness for a sloppy late tackle is apparently not enough to avoid a green card.

DOD Special mentions: Sexy-Bra Banks, Sian’s tackles and reverse stick hits appearing to suddenly be illegal (apologies that we all laughed at your incredulous face), Emily’s no messing tackle that gave Silke something to do and Struthie again for enthusiastic subbing that meant we conceded another PC.