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Men’s 2s Stay Top with Wapping Win

15th November 2021

By Alex Rooney

Men’s 2s 4 – 1 Wapping 2s

POM: Dodders

DOD: Rooney

Good morning sports fans, we faced another late call on availability and selection, but thanks to strong immune systems and diligent Covid testing we got a side out. The game started in quite a rush, with the water cannons still going off, Matty still practising his V drags and Bean reciting poetry to himself (according to Foxy). 

Wapping came out hard and put us under early pressure with some direct play and aggressive pressing. This was no match for a sturdy backline, as Jamma’s new formation included the ‘false full back’ role, expertly played by Birdie, who carved his way through their front line to create play.

After a strong 15 minutes, roughly all our teaching staff had arrived, changed and were ready to join in. A mistrapped aerial and particularly slippy penalty spot saw Wapping pass the ball around a stumbling Dylan and an inevitable sieve like Rooney to take the early lead.

The game carried on with some potential chances created by Surbiton but Shnu being Shnu decided he wanted some more action and drama. In what can only be described as a vicious attempt on a Wapping player’s life, Shnu boshed one of the opposition into next week on the edge of the five yard line. Naturally Shnu was delighted with this because he got a breather and kept his green card record intact. We saved the PC and then a few moments later, Scotty ran up the other end of the pitch, only to try and win a similar foul. His acting was considered ‘drab and without depth’, the umpire only gave him a 6/10 for execution and called ‘play on’.

The first half was coming to an end, but not before Dylan decided he needed to catch his breath and took a break by knocking the ball out of the ground for four runs. The next passages of play saw two fantastic fast paced pieces of attacking play, as Surbiton hit back with two goals in four minutes. Some unselfish behaviour in the D saw us pass it round their keeper and into the back of the net with ease (I can’t remember who scored, plus it was the other end of the pitch, I think it was Dodders?)

After a rousing half time team talk (with contributions from the opposition), we came out quickly and began to make case after case for the umpires to brandish a strong yellow. It turns out they’d forgotten them that day. Rhys took a corner to the knee that was deemed as ‘fake news’ and the evidence of a bruise on his kneecap was a lie, but he ran down the next corner anyway. Some interesting decision making saw Shnu get a second green for not being 5m followed by Birdie who wanted to join his housemate in the sin bin for the most blatant playing on after the whistle had gone.

A few more dodgy umpiring calls later, and apparently a foot in the Wapping D doesn’t change the game, nor does a topped reverse stick clearance, but the umpires just didn’t want to blow the whistle and interrupt flow.

Jack Middleton and Bean linked up nicely at the other end for a back post tap in to make it three. Was it going wide? You decide, but Bean knows where the goal is. The final goal of the day was scored by Matty, with a deflection into the keeper that he basically palmed into his own net.

The game then finished and the umpires didn’t hang around to wait for Foxy to critique their performance, while Dylan swiftly dispatched myself and Dodders in a little boat race. That’s all for today folks, see you next Saturday in East London at Lee Valley – very very early doors next week.