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Men's 6s Beat Epsom


21st January 2020

By Simon Jackson

Note from club website: A slightly delayed report posting due to some cyberspace issues... 

Men’s 6s 3 – 1 Epsom M3

Scorers: Jackson, Dye 2

And so the 6s continued their seven season run of winning every game when Capt Corney has been absent, and this time without defensive lynchpin Toddy either, as they eased past a rejuvenated Epsom side who had recently topped the form league of Surrey Prem.

The usual blend of the six speed and energy combined with age & should know better had a familiar look to the last game of the previous decade minus one veteran in particular who suffering from PTSD (Persecution Thru Silly Decisions) managed to get more cards than a Royal Flush. Ignoring the Megxit puns on that one I also dodged the match report of that game for fear of either libel or misrepresentation of the facts.

So a not unfamiliar recent line up with plenty of jokers in the pack led to another drop in discipline levels as Hardy became Laurel as he vented his questioning at the impoverished opposition umpire. 

Whether that was before or after our opening goal matters little when it was Jackson who expertly slotted the reverse rebound from the post past the hapless defender on the line. If that sounds better than it actually was you would be correct. I can’t even recall who hit the post as that memory was too close to my goal and therefore erased in the quite euphoria.

Almost straight away Epsom got back on level terms and we drew breath at half time all square. A short but informative and motivating team talk was cut short by Westy barking at Big T for lamenting the odd short corner and we retracted to the pitch to eagerly commence the second half.

A ding dong first ten minutes left the game pretty much in the balance until a thunder cross from Dan deep on the right wing was expertly slotted home by Ravvers who had ghosted into space on the p spot and spanked the ball past the keeper as if he actually knew what he was doing. Which he did.

Shortly afterwards Big T made two saves of note. The first an outstretched right leg that was destined to be two inches short as the ball honed in on the far corner until, like an old school subbuteo player his head dipped and his leg extended further to deflect it past the post. Great save T. The second was an instinctive reaction to protect his new Christmas helmet as he deflected the ball over the bar, the fence and into the housing estate behind the goal that mysteriously no one knows how to get to.

The defence grew in confidence with some excellent ball play around the back and from then on it was all Surbiton and though Epsom huffed and puffed they didn’t blow our house of cards down and were breaking bad which suits us fine and for once the game of groans came from the opposition. Ok, so I’ve got a little bored writing this and have started to at least entertain myself. Stranger things have happened.

Back on the pitch and many thanks to our special guest of the umpires’ pocket Calvin, the Jokers who put in a performance worthy of Joaquin Phoenix himself and to our excellent and consummate professional yoof players of Alfie, Dan, Dean, Jack & Ben - the latter winning a deserved MoM for tireless running and picking the Bones out of a Vikings-like defence. Oops, I did it again as Spitney Beers once sang.

Well done George for umpiring 2/3 of the pitch, the parents for supporting and Scarlett for managing to once again miss Dad’s goal but see Ravvers’! 

Next week we are away to Cranleigh in a match that ’could’ take us to the top of the table and even perhaps on to The Crown.  Now who wouldn’t want to watch that?

Me? I’m off to practice my net flicks.