Women's 4s 8 - 1 Wimbledon 3s (A)

The 4s assembled at Raynes Park High School for a game against the league’s bottom side, two elderly gingers down this week but still fired up and ready to go.

Within three seconds of the pushback, which Wimbo somehow managed to push straight over their own baseline from the halfway line to give us a long corner, it became apparent that this was a game for the taking. Five minutes in, we stole a ball high up and the player later named DOD (more on that later) hit into the net for a 1-0 lead.

Just a couple of minutes later, we won another ball in the press and after a baseline attack down the right Carole “GET IN THERE” Date-Chong popped another goal in… I think it’s fair to say this was to everyone’s relief, CDC would not have enjoyed the final result as much if her name hadn’t been included on the scoresheet, although to be honest she deserved more after a strong performance up front.

It was all starting to feel like it could be a fun afternoon. We had plenty of ball and with some brilliant movement from our forwards creating havoc for the Wimbo defence, Charlie Twinkletoes Gallagher and Bex were clearly competing to see who could hit the longest through ball. Freya, Stacey and Lara were linking play nicely through the midfield and we were creating lots of attacking opportunities while also controlling the game from the back with Maddie’s trademark sliders and self proclaimed Spy Master Sunny pulling the strings.

Bingaling was subjected to a tackle by a defender who was obviously confused about whether she was playing at RPHS or Twickenham, everyone stopped to see if she was okay, but no sympathy from Bex who didn’t bother checking (soz not soz Bing) and ran to get the ball which had fallen loose in their circle. A bit of pinball and several more pretty grim tackles later we got a stroke. “Can I take it?” begged Bing as she tried to right the wrongs of her penalty stroke miss for the 3s earlier in the season. Penalty dispatched, 3-0 to Surby.

Flicking stick warmed up, Bing then dragged another into the backboard from a penalty corner and at 4-0 up we went into half time with significantly better vibes than at our last game. Everyone agreed we just needed to keep our standards high on everything… and aim for a clean sheet.

We got going again. Swindell and Aash were looking sharp and Tegan was doing her best not to think about her lack of sleep and the telling off she was going to get from her mum later about the state she left the house in on Friday night. Meanwhile Bing was absolutely running riot and killing Wimbo for pace down the right. She scored a field goal to complete her hat trick and made a mental note to ensure she included a little brag about this on her insta post later.

The second half was time for our half backs to shine. Evie went into full attack mode, charging up and down the right like a woman on a mission and POM Scar made some timely interceptions and even tapped into her inner Swindell (unbelievably she only got one vote for DOD despite celebrating successfully jinking it past someone while still dribbling the ball and then passing it straight back to Wimbo, but whatever, I’m not bitter).

Backstick Bex finally hit a clean reverse strike to score, 27 attempts later… but better late than never. Perhaps collective shock at this rare event encouraged us to take our feet off the gas for a few minutes, but Wimbo got a few counter attacks and despite Ava making a couple of tidy saves and Charlie stepping in with some clever interceptions, they eventually snuck one in to ruin our clean sheet dreams.

Shortly afterwards, another Surby penalty corner was saved by their keeper but Lar did well to grab the rebound and flick towards goal. Not 100% certain whether the ball would cross the line, Bex made sure from about 3cm out, and felt guilty about it for the rest of the day… but is secretly relieved to keep Bing in check in the goalscoring charts.

We nabbed a final penalty corner goal through Stacey, who appears to not understand that if she is the last player to touch it, she has scored. Again, no DOD votes for this but whateverrrrr. 8-1 at the final whistle and everyone walks off looking quite pleased with themselves.

We’ll finish with the shocking DOD vote canvassing that took place on the group chat after the game. Before even leaving the car park, Bing had posted a video of Herbiecopter’s teeny tiny airshot and started a vicious smear campaign against the coach. Like a flock of sheep, the 4s duly jump on the bandwagon and here we are. Can’t wait to punish you all at training (if you’re not too busy with "wedding admin").