Women's 4s 2 - 2 East London 2s (H)

Finally, the people had what they wanted - the chance to be entertained by the 4s on Pitch 1. I don’t know what happened in the warm up, because I didn’t participate, but by the time the game started Lisa almost had matching shoes and both shinpads on, and the subs had just about got their heads around captain Emily’s elaborate weekly rotation system.

East London played at a high tempo from the off, trying to catch us out with sliders and overheads, but we kept things steady and the game was fast but well balanced. Eve marshalled her defence of Sunny, Maddie and Evie who stepped up to pick off pass after pass, while Stacey and Lara played out calmly from the wide channels, giving us a good platform to build some attacking momentum.

The umpires kept control of proceedings well throughout the game, but this didn’t stop some phantom musical statues from us in the first half when the game on the other pitch confused everyone multiple times. Rumour has it a few whistles also just went completely unheard having been drowned out by the opposition coach’s shouting.

Freya, Lisa and Emily were linking up with skills and speed through the midfield and helped get plenty of ball up to Chandler, Aash, Swindell and Tegan to build increasing pressure on their goal. We had a number of good attacks but just couldn’t quite get the final pass or shot to click. The signs were good though, and it was a bit tough to concede literally on the stroke of half time, with shades of Spencer away a few weeks back.

Never fear though. Some sweets were gobbled up, tactical tweaks discussed, game faces went back on and the 4s started to play some tasty hockey in the second half, with several counter attacks carving open the East London defence. Two of these led to goals, the first a smooth 1v1 finish from Chandler Bing following a brilliant through ball from Emily, aided by Aash’s clever movement to create space. It really was good stuff. Are giraffes psychic? Asking for a friend.

Sidenote: it remains unclear how many of the views on the livestream (over 150 at the time of writing) are from Emily replaying her assist, and how many were Charlotte logging in and out of YouTube from an apres ski bar in Austria after three runs and 12 flügels.

East London retook the lead at some point - I don’t really remember how - before we brought it back to 2-2. After defending several free hits around our own circle edge/fortress, Herbie made an interception and saw veritable oceans of space ahead. Whipping her long, graceful, gazelle-like legs into action she charged upfield with Swindell in hot pursuit. Was Herbie’s lay off to Swindell a little softer than she really intended, or was it an elaborate trick to fool the opposition defender? We’ll never know… but either way, the “tactic” worked, Herbie grabbed the ball again and knocked it past the goalie. Note to self: higher chance of scoring, lower chance of more backstick banter if you just. go. forehand.

The setting sun made a blinding appearance for a few minutes late in the game, but we managed to avoid passing straight to their centre forward this week and did actually create a few more chances of our own. We could and maybe should have won the game late on, but it finished 2-2 and we find ourselves fourth going into the final fixture of 2025 at hockey’s colder, windier and less glamorous equivalent of Wembley next Saturday.

Conspiracy theories abound as to why I got DOD award, but apparently it was for spending quite a bit of the game on the floor. Video evidence and the sorry state of my body suggest there may be a grain of truth to this vicious rumour… however, some would call all of this vote-worthy, some would just say I love my team enough to really commit to the cause for the gals. Either way, Emily will be devastated I've beaten her at something yet again, even if this race was to secure the prize of writing the match report.