SHC Snails WO45s 2 - 2 (1-3 APS) Burnt Ash WO45s (A)

The upside of a cup run is more hockey! The downside is a trek to Dartford.

In highly uncharacteristic Snail behaviour we all arrived at the pitch ON TIME! Sinead needed a sit down from shock. Thank you to Phil’s chauffeur. Turns out the only “honorary” Snail to miss the match was our plushie Mascot. Hopefully not a jinx.

“It’s good to talk,” declared a BT ad back in the days when phones were connected to the wall by cables. (I know! What madness is that?!). Anyway, it seems the Burnt Ash umpire was not a paid up member of the Bob Hoskins Fan Club and didn’t want to discuss my interpretation of the advantage rule. Cue green card to me and a match report inbound.

Early DOD nominee Anna managed exactly zero minutes of match time due to a lingering injury but redeemed herself by being queen of the iPad and subs rotations.

So kick off… which it was for a while as our basic skills escaped us (accompanied by mis-traps and late tackles). Burnt Ash started very strongly with a couple of handy midfielders dictating the play. We discovered they had only lost out 3-4 to Old Cranleighans in the previous round. Wise Wendy decided this info was definitely on a need to know basis, and Sinead definitely didn’t need to know.

It proved to be a very end to end match with the scoreline already 1-1 within three minutes.

We feared Patron Beaney would succumb to RSI with over-hooting. Jo Firth was gifted a ball in the middle of the pitch and held it up beautifully long enough for Ruth to run ahead, receive and slot it past the GK. Bexley did something clever a minute later, but whatever.

There were some heroics in defence with Ellie picking waist height balls with ease and Kirst’s cool head, driving out the D to feed the midfielders. Struthie proved that the back left corner is not the grimmest place on Earth (surely that’s Gatwick passport control at half term) by working the ball out of trouble with patience and composure. Fee was mistress of all she surveyed, keeping backs and mids chatting, and supporting each other.

We went into half time with the score held at 1-1. It was anyone’s game.

Midfield was, hmm, “experimental?”. With experienced mid Philippa shepherding newbies Sinead, Val and Ruth. Shout out to all mids. What a stupid amount of running you guys need to do! Much respect.

It started to gel well in the second half with utility player Jane (only missing GK and CF from her match day bingo card) linking defence and midfield beautifully.

Our forward line continued to threaten with Anne using her first touch to deadly effect, wrong footing her players. Highlight of the forward line this week though has to be a very warm welcome back to Dawn, whose hockey kit has languished in the drawer far too long.

Bexley scored another at some point. Again, whatever.

But we didn’t give up. Val won a PC in customary bulldozer style (all momentum, little skill) and it fell to Anne to rescue the mis-injection and slip to Ruth for a smasher that loosened the screws on the backboard. We proved Snails do indeed have teeth (about 14,000 apparently) and we bared them.

So tactically, equalising might have been a mis-step as when full time approached we realised we had to decide on who’d take the flicks. People suddenly found their shoes very interesting. Wise Wendy commented that a team with Colts would get all of the youngsters volunteering, not so much when the average age of your team is 55!

Agile Annie (who had been awesome all game denying Burnt Ash lots of scoring opportunities) stepped up, but sadly the Oppo had been all over the reels learning how to ping them into the side netting at shoulder height.

We instead took an alternative tactic – “put it where the GK will least expect it”. So a couple fell into her lap, literally. But kudos to those with the cajones to step up and take them in the first place.

So 2-2 (1-3 shoot out). One awesome save from Annie and one slick flick from Fee.

Onwards to the final tier of the O45s Championship. No Cup or Trophy for us. Vase here we come. Makes you wonder what the discarded workshopped titles were? Gravy Boat, Tureen, Condiment Rack?

POM: Fee – awesome in defence

DOD: Val – chatty jock

TO DO LIST (revised)

• XX Win Cup
• XX Win Trophy
• Win Vase
• Smash League