Sloths 1 - 3 Taunton Vale O35s (Cup, A)

Over 35s Cup Tier 2 Semi Final

The Sloths’ cup exit in sunny Taunton was all the more painful after last season’s run to the final making this semi-final defeat a tough pill to swallow.

What important cup match doesn’t begin with a classic team road trip in Captain Charlotte’s trusty school minibus? With 12 squad members (and our reliable manager) piling into the lively 'party bus,' Magazine Lady setting off late and making a scenic stop near Stonehenge, and a car packed with Jens and a Jo hitting the road at dawn, and Ceci and her full entourage arriving ahead of the party bus, the captain had worked wonders to assemble a full squad of 16 for this crucial fixture. The only person missing was our Chief Supporter with her hooter.

The journey was filled with laughter and high spirits as cans of beer were passed around—thankfully, none for the driver—while 90s dance anthems blared from the front of the bus and players guessed the year (some showing their age more than others). Meanwhile, Beckie smugly shared updates about her Travelodge room boasting ‘stunning’ views of Stonehenge. What she didn’t yet realise was that her hotel was actually two miles away, overlooking the far less historic Greggs distribution warehouse. Courtney and Laura, eager to witness Stonehenge’s famed night-time beauty, were in luck—Ruth was on hand to capture the moment perfectly forever.

The party bus rolled safely into Taunton, and the squad wasted no time stumbling straight to bed, eager for a good night’s sleep before the big game. But as morning arrived, so did some key decisions—and a few surprises.

Ruth got the shock of her life waking up to Sian’s morning face, which, overnight, had apparently transformed into Sloth from The Goonies. Meanwhile, Silke proved to be the dream roommate for Sinead—quiet, tidy, and completely hassle-free. But the biggest question of the morning? Where on earth would we find breakfast?

After much debate, the squad reached a unanimous conclusion—the true breakfast of champions is McDonald’s. Cassie, however, took a different approach, choosing extra sleep over fast food, while Beckie’s attempt at a wholesome start ended in disaster when her pot of porridge met an unfortunate fate with scalding hot milk and raw oats.

A short stroll to McDonald’s helped loosen up athletic limbs before the team fuelled up with a feast fit for pre-match warriors—bacon and egg McMuffins, hash browns, porridge, pancakes, coffee, tea, orange juice, and hot chocolates.

It was time to head to the ground…

With 16 players plus the manager arriving at the ground a full hour before pushback, the squad found themselves in unfamiliar territory—actually having time to spare. Unsure of how to handle such rare punctuality, the team busied themselves with pre-match faffing, nerves creeping in as the game approached.

Sinead, in a moment of hyper-focus, fixated on Tina’s socks—prompting an urgent change. Then came the team talk, delivered from possibly the world’s smallest clipboard. Several tactical messages were shared, but the one that truly stuck?

"You should get half a game, but if we need to win, I won’t hesitate to make ruthless decisions. If you have a problem with your playing time, see me after."

It was time to warm up—though for Jane, it also seemed like the perfect moment to call her mum for a quick Mother’s Day chat. Nerves manifest in mysterious ways.

Meanwhile, the pre-prepared match playlist attempted to set the mood, though “boomed” would be a generous description—the sound system, possibly the worst outside speaker in existence, barely managed a whisper. And as Sticky Stick played (who chose that?!), a few eyebrows were raised.

With the warm-up complete, the toss lost, P-flicks agreed upon if needed, and some wise words on adrenaline effects imparted, the team was finally ready for pushback.

Since this is supposed to be a match report, I suppose I should mention some actual hockey!

Surprisingly, we started better than usual, confidently transferring the ball across the back and ensuring everyone got an early touch. But then… things unravelled. Taunton were outstanding—playing as a cohesive unit, working passing triangles all over the pitch, posting up smartly, and looking dangerous on the break. The Sloths, however, were uncharacteristically generous with possession, repeatedly gifting the ball to the opposition and losing out on crucial 50-50 battles. The breakthrough came in the 15th minute when Taunton capitalised from a short corner, and just eight minutes later, they doubled their lead with another well-executed set piece.

Despite the setback, belief remained high. Beckie charged up the pitch and forced the Taunton keeper into a stunning save from a reverse hit. We made it to half-time 2-0 down with the knowledge we score buckets of goals in the second half usually. With clear instructions about “purposeful actions” from Charlotte and tactical nous from Beckie and Sian we were ready to go.

Unfortunately, the second half followed much the same pattern. We still couldn’t find the right outcomes in the D and continued to hand the ball back to the opposition. Taunton capitalised again, scoring another superb goal to make it 3-0.

There were, however, a few lighter moments, including Jen Rohan being carded for "poor skill"—a direct quote from the umpire—and Cassie deciding that "sticks are optional" for a brief period.

With 12 minutes to go, it was time for Laura to put Charlotte’s ruthless tactics into action. But just as the momentum seemed to shift, Sunny was struck on an old bruise on her foot and had to hobble off. When the opposition coach suggested we assist her, the bench could be heard calling out, “Nah, she’s alright.”

The ruthless approach did show some results when we won our first short corner of the game, and Beckie delivered a spectacular goal—earning her Player of the Match for her effort. Unfortunately shortly afterwards she made a “goal line” save with her foot from a Sian strike - although is it really a goal line save if the ball is going wide?

In the final five minutes, Sinead let her frustration with the umpire’s decisions get the better of her. After disputing a call, she earned her first-ever green card—and with it, the honour of DOD. If only she could have vented her frustrations in Spanish, like Ceci had been doing throughout the game!

And so, the match ended 3-1, with Taunton rightfully advancing to the final on 3rd May. Despite the result, there are plenty of positives to highlight for the Sloths, as every player fully committed to Charlotte’s plan and gave their all, though we ultimately fell short on the day.

· Silke made some excellent saves, with steadfast defending from Sunny, Ceci, Cassie, Charlotte, Jane, and Sinead.

· The midfielders ran themselves ragged, particularly Emily down the left, Beckie in the center, and Jo, Courtney, and Jen Hopping on the wings.

· Up front, the forwards worked tirelessly to press the attack and, at times, defend—led by Sian and supported by Tina, Ruth, and Jen Rohan.

While we didn’t make it to the final, there’s plenty of pride in the performance and effort displayed and there was still plenty of fun to be had—starting with teas and the road trip home. The new DOD award was a hit, though some players showed their age by admitting they’d never watched The Goonies. Meanwhile, Jen Rohan enjoyed an entire gluten-free feast to herself, while the rest of the team tucked into the picnic-style teas provided by the opposition.

It was time to bid farewell to Taunton, Ceci and her crew, Beckie, the Jens, Jo, and hop back onto the party bus.

Thankfully, someone had planned ahead—champagne was on hand to help us commiserate, and the bus became a mobile therapy session, complete with some much-needed shopping. Emily let out her frustration by equally bullying everyone (definitely inclusive!). Tina, Laura, and Silke nursed their sunburnt faces, while Sian and Ruth downed mojitos at lightning speed. Courtney attempted to sleep but with little success, and Jane tried to organise a vomit-inducing team speech where everyone contributed a line—though it quickly derailed when it came to Sinead and Emily.

There’s still so much more to share—ask any of us about Stonehenge in daylight, the Taunton player in the Surbiton skirt, and more.

A massive thank you to Charlotte for fostering such a fun yet competitive team to be part of. Thanks to Laura for travelling with us and managing the subs throughout the season. Thanks to our supporters who have cheered us on at matches all year. And thanks to everyone who played for the Sloths this season but didn’t get the chance to feature in this fixture.

We are stronger than ever, and with 2025/26 on the horizon, we’ll be back even better!