Jokers 0 - 0 Epsom Old School (A)
By Andrew "Wingers" Wingfield
South Masters Mens O50 Premiership
Team: Tony Haycroft GK, James Hey (Capt), Steve Todd, JJ Draper, Chris Beaney, Richard Beaney, Stephen Hardy, Martin Dye, David Barnicaot, Rob Stone, Luke Michael, Andrew Wingfield
Umpires: Theirs
On a gloriously sunny Saturday morning, the Surbiton Jokers took to the pitch at Epsom for an 11:30am push back, still shaking off the cobwebs and the effects of their morning coffees. In typical weekend fashion, we spent the first 15 minutes as spectators, watching Epsom dominate possession while we tried to remember how to play hockey.
Eventually, the Jokers woke up and hit a magical ten minute stretch of silky passing and hockey brilliance that had everyone wondering if we’d secretly swapped teams. But, just as we were building momentum, Stoner decided to put his body on the line, taking a hit that left him battling like a true warrior. As we rummaged around for steristrips on the sidelines, the umpires seemed eager to start the game back up – apparently thinking the "battlefield medic" look was all part of our game plan.
The second half kicked off with Epsom’s former Joker, Richard Skinner, deciding he’d remind us of his presence by taking their first and only shot on target of the match – a lob from the half way line - which Tony in goal dealt with comfortably.
What followed was a comedy of missed opportunities. We created more chances than an infomercial but couldn’t find the net, and Luke decided to keep our perfect sin-bin record alive with a stint for dissent. That's two games, two sin-binnings – clearly, we’re aiming for some kind of discipline award this season.
Wingers then provided his own highlight by passing to the ghost of Ravvers after a dodgy short corner push out. If the league awarded points for supernatural assists, we’d be top by now.
To be fair, Epsom were a tough side – they finished second in the league last year and have been playing together longer than some marriages last. With three substitutes against our lone spare player, they had more fresh legs than a seafood market, while we were huffing and puffing like it was a marathon.
Despite the challenges, the Jokers showed grit and defended three successive short corners in the second half with sheer determination.
The bright side? That’s two clean sheets in two games, and we’ve got a solid defensive foundation. Next week, we’re at home against Old Loughtonians – let’s aim to keep up the defensive form, cut down on the sin-bin visits, and maybe, just maybe, find the back of the net. It’s shaping up to be an interesting season!