M2 5 - 1 West Herts 1s (A)

Game Week 2 saw the M2s travel around the M25 for a clash with the ‘new kids on the block’ (return to Conference hockey after two years), West Herts. A bit of a mystery as to what to expect from them due to their result last week (6-1 down to Wimbledon 2s) and their hotly anticipated first home game back in the National League. A late push back might draw a big crowd?! A team that was right up for the challenge?! Who knows?! There’s a theme here that if you spend time with Bean and Bagel pre game, it’s going to be a good day. No Daisy pre-game, as a girls day was on the cards - got to respect the priorities.

Anyway hockey had to be our priority with a big three points up for grabs. A fresh black shirt handed out to make Ben Park feel right at home. Turns out making a player like Ben comfortable is a good decision. None of us were quite so comfortable when very randomly it became apparent that Max Anderson was topless and Billy Winter was massaging his back in the middle of the pre game team talk. It was a strange start, in case you hadn’t already figured, and the boys were extremely quiet in the warm-up. A couple of badgers (people that love the game of hockey and nothing offensive) settled in on the clubhouse balcony overlooking the pitch, but not the large crowd we expected. The pitch was dry and as Ollie Stone comically found out during the warm-up, it was very slippery as the sun dropped down towards the horizon. Could the boys get the energy levels right to pull this off?

Not too long into the game, a sweeping, efficient Seals move saw Tinker, yes right back Tinker, slip around the back and tap in from close range. Anyone would think Tinkerman would be happy with this, but the yelp he let out and the look on his face, wouldn’t suggest that. Cheer up Tinker, you’ve scored! Anyway 1-0 Seals, love it.

However, West Herts weren’t going to let the boys play today and nor was Rhys by the looks of things. Rhys strolled onto the pitch and decided he would pass the ball to their CF who could run through on goal, cheers Rhys. The thing is I’d have forgiven Rhys and I did forgive Rhys… until he did it again a few minutes later. Really Rhys?! Anyway this was part of a catalogue of errors, one of which included me promising Bean I wouldn’t mistrap as many aerials as last week as I had my contact lenses in. Might need another eye test because you guessed it, I missed the first one and their player also went through on goal. You’re probably not going to be surprised to hear that West Herts equalised before half time. Don’t love it. There were a couple of instances in which Surbiton felt hard done by, mainly when Hobkirk wobbled into the D past about four players (very normal for Hobkirk), and nearly got his knees and stick broken by a horror tackle from their keeper but nothing doing said the two important people in orange. Half time, 1-1. The good guys had got it all to do.

Some sharp words and some mindfulness during the break, and the lads were refocused. I must admit, I can’t really remember the second half but a few things stick out. In no particular order… an inch perfect delivery at a PC from Scott Jones found its way on to the end of Ben Park’s stick who, intentionally or unintentionally, stuck the ball in the roof of the net. That was a joke, the best thing about having players from the M1 is that when they do something outrageously good, you don’t immediately question whether it was on purpose or not. Some finish. 2-1. Love it.

The tensions rose significantly throughout the game and it was never more evident than when I got my stick caught on something as I slipped over and it turns out it was hooked in the opponent’s sock. How this happened I genuinely have no idea but the other bloke made it quite aggressively clear that he believed I had somehow done it on purpose. I wasn’t an overly happy man on Saturday, so I didn’t take this well and things got slightly heated. The umpire, very helpfully, told the other player that he had watched the whole thing and it was pretty obvious I had slipped and it was an accident and play resumed. No cards, get on with it. Anyway, as you can tell I’m over it now…You won’t be surprised to know that the fans were paying close attention to what was going on and the noise/abuse level rose. I have been reliably informed Dewi was asked about his girlfriend, there’s something slightly ironically humorous in there somewhere.

The message from last week about hope and miracles remains as strong as ever; especially when it comes to the M2. Lightning may strike twice. And by striking twice I mean that I managed to flick the ball on target in a match, with defenders and a goalkeeper, for the second week in a row. That was definitely intentional unlike the earlier incident. I’m definitely over it I promise. 3-1. Love it.

Something just as unbelievable happened when the ball flew back across the D after Scott hit the post while falling over, and with the goalkeeper stranded, Beanhead, yes Beanhead, still tried to miss the target but somehow pinged the ball into the goal via the other post. Don’t ask why or how he hit the post with an open goal. Well done Beanhead, miracles do happen. 4-1. Love it.

I’m also reliably informed that Haspel scored but I must admit, I was pretty confident the three points were secured so my attention was now with the abusive fan in the Hulk T-shirt. Probably not too surprising now that he wanted to spend his Saturday evening abusing hockey players whilst watching a conference level hockey match. Nothing against Hulk but not overly keen on someone in their 40s wearing a Hulk T-shirt and using expletives towards opposition whilst watching their beloved team lose. Moral of the story? There’s a time and a place for Hulk T-shirts.

Haspel also went 1-on-1 with their keeper, clean through, and passed it behind Hobkirk so the score remained 5-1. I didn’t mention this last week and it’s unfair for me to ignore it again, so a quick shoutout to the younger lads in the team. I’m extremely glad to have the likes of Hobkirk, Haspel, Stone, Geering, Hansen and Hanson on my team because some of the skills I’ve seen so far this season has made me not only extremely jealous, but also extremely grateful it’s not me being turned inside out by them (on a match day).

5-1 FT. Love it. You Seals.

Goals: Tinker FG, Park PC, Males PC, Bartram FG, Haspel FG

Two big games coming up over the next two weekends between three sides currently with maximum points. First of all, as well as a potential EHL KO16 clash with the noisy neighbours, there’s a guaranteed big derby game with Wimbledon 2s on Sunday at 1pm in Raynes Park. The following week sees us host London Wayfarers at Sugden Road in another potential top of the table clash.

Fairly unanimous POM: Lars…midfield maestro…so good again.

Fairly unanimous DOD: Me (Morgs)… alleged ‘excessive aggression’, alleged the key word there, remember no cards, that is what they call ‘hearsay’. Probably deserved it this week to be honest.

Match Report Writer’s DOD: Dewi… one shot one goal… again. And trying to hand out two DOD votes just because Frankie did. He’s the coach mate, you are not.

With Morgan away for a week, who will pick up the pen for our next match report?