Jokers 1 - 1 Old Cranleighan 4s (H)

Scorer: Trevor Mallinson

Umpires: Alex McKee, Val Beveridge (many thanks)

Team: Tony Haycroft (Capt & GK), Jim Sayer, Martin Dye, Jason Foster, Nick Sait, Jon Bowen, Rob Stone, Jonny Milsted, Trevor Mallinson, Harry Hodges, Phil Balbirnie, Stephen Hardy, Harry Stevenson and Corey Adcock-Cooper

Match Report: Generated by ChatGPT 3.5
Inputter: Jason Foster

Title of Report: Surbiton's Heartache: A Field Hockey Ballad

Version 1: To be sung to: The tune of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler
[Editorial comment by Big T – it does not scan to this song!]

(Verse 1)
In the twilight of the field, under flickering lights,
Surbiton Jokers took to the fight.
Captain Big T stood tall in the goal,
But the air was thick, with mistakes taking toll.

(Chorus)
And they scored, only to fall apart,
In a 1-1 draw, it broke their heart.
Surbiton Jokers, playing in dismay,
In a field hockey match, where they couldn't find their way.

(Verse 2)
Foster, Corey, Ravvers, and Jim,
Tried to hold the line, but the chances were slim.
Jon and Jonny fought hard in the midfield,
But Old Cranleighans' pressure, it wouldn't yield.

(Chorus)
And they scored, only to fall apart,
In a 1-1 draw, it broke their heart.
Surbiton Jokers, playing in dismay,
In a field hockey match, where they couldn't find their way.

(Bridge)
Trevor found the net, a glimmer of hope,
But their joy was short-lived, as they struggled to cope.
Stoner and Saity, battling on,
But mistakes kept coming, like an endless song.

(Chorus)
And they scored, only to fall apart,
In a 1-1 draw, it broke their heart.
Surbiton Jokers, playing in dismay,
In a field hockey match, where they couldn't find their way.

(Outro)
With Harry Junior and Senior, pushing up front,
Noaksy and Philip, trying to hunt.
But the final whistle blew, with no winner in sight,
Surbiton Jokers left the field, in the fading light.

Version 2: To be sung to the tune of "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" by the Righteous Brothers.

[Verse 1]
Surbiton Jokers took the field tonight,
With hopes of victory burning bright,
But as the game began to unfold,
Mistakes were made, their play turned cold.

[Chorus]
You've lost that hockey feelin',
Oh, that hockey feelin',
You've lost that hockey feelin',
Now it's gone, gone, gone, ohhh.

[Verse 2]
Captain Big T stood tall in goal,
But the defense struggled to control,
Foster, Corey, and the rest,
Couldn't keep Old Cranleighans at bay, at their best.

[Chorus]
You've lost that hockey feelin',
Oh, that hockey feelin',
You've lost that hockey feelin',
Now it's gone, gone, gone, ohhh.

[Bridge]
Then came a moment, a glimmer of hope,
Trevor struck, with a powerful stroke,
Surbiton cheered as the ball found the net,
But their joy was short-lived, they would soon regret.

[Chorus]
You've lost that hockey feelin',
Oh, that hockey feelin',
You've lost that hockey feelin',
Now it's gone, gone, gone, ohhh.

[Outro]
The final whistle blew, the score a draw,
Surbiton Jokers left feeling raw,
A match of errors, mistakes galore,
But they'll regroup and come back for more.

Version 3: To be sung to the tune of "Money For Nothing" by Dire Straits

(Verse 1)
Now look at them Jokers, that’s the way you do it
You play field hockey on the Astroturf
That ain’t workin’, that’s the way you get the fun
Let me tell ya, them Jokers ain’t dumb

(Chorus)
They’re scoring goals for nothing and their hits for free
Them Surbiton Jokers, they got to move these feet
They got to move these feet

(Verse 2)
The captain, Big T, he’s the man in the net
Foster, Corey, and Ravvers, they defend with no regret
But oh Lord, they’re making mistakes, can’t you see?
Their passes are sloppy, it’s a sight to decree

(Chorus)
They’re playing hockey for nothing and their skill’s not free
Them Surbiton Jokers, they got to move these feet
They got to move these feet

(Bridge)
Surbiton scores first, in the second half they strike
Trevor finds the net, oh what a delight
But hold on tight, just a few minutes late
Old Cranleighans respond, sealing Surbiton’s fate

(Chorus)
They’re trading goals for nothing, can’t find victory
Them Surbiton Jokers, they got to move these feet
They got to move these feet

(Outro)
Now that’s the way you do it
Play field hockey, but with more subtlety
Maybe next time, Jokers, you’ll find the key
To win the game and dance in victory